Broken Hearts, But Incredible Memories

 Lying in the bed in need of sleep but without the peace of it. Hurting and cursing the tears that refuse to stop falling. Begging a broken heart not to drag the pain of love lost into a day that has no sympathy for the weak. Who do you call when you don't want to be told to move on when you're in love? So easy to tell some one that has no fight left in them that the pain of losing the love of their life will cease if they just stop looking back. That advice doesn't work until love says so. It's not water, you can't just turn it on and off. How in the hell do you pull the plug on love when it's very much alive? In others eyes you are the epitome of a fool. Hypocrites. They've gone through the same thing and no one could tell them to let go. 

The hardest part about going through love's rejection is trying to figure out how to protect your heart. It's easier said than done because you remember every minuscule thing about the person you wish you didn't have to lose. What they said, how they said it, their kisses, embraces, their smell, facial expressions, body language, rather they had a cold heart or were charismatic, their future plans, and most importantly how you were supposed to fit in their lives. How dare them treat you like you were temporary when you thought you were a keeper. 

No sense in pretending to be over them because the memory of them will keep resurfacing for a very long time. The pain of losing the person you love feels like some one is ripping your heart out of your chest. Dealing with the need to see them is also excruciating. Especially when you want them to say breaking up was a mistake. Hope hangs around because to not hope means it's over and that's a pill that's just too bitter to swallow. 

Only time can heal an embattled heart. The mind is selfish because it hangs on to what should be forgotten. Why doesn't the heart and mind get on the same page it could take some of the ouch out of the equation. When all's said and done the heart's trying to fight back, but the mind is stubborn and won't stop relishing in incredible memories that will never be again.

Broken Heart, But Incredible Memories is about the love you don't want to lose. How you want to give your heart a break because it has suffered enough. Hoping when there's no hope. Crying when laughing used to be so much easier. Loving when someone else can't see the vision anymore. Wanting to stay together when it's so obvious there's nothing left. Wishing that one more chance can make all the difference in the world. But how can it when both people aren't willing to put forth the effort?

Love Is Not

 Valentine's week is focused on multiple ways of showing others that one cares for or is in love with them. Hearts, flowers, candy and trinkets are given as symbols of devotion but not all are done with the right motives or with healthy commitment.

We all think that we know what love is but then act in ways that do not match our words. Here are some of things to consider:

Love is not:

1. Giving someone everything that they want because by doing so you believe they will change for good. Frequently clients have told me that they felt giving money to wayward teens would encourage them to come home. Not! People usually do what they want and cannot be bribed or coerced into doing what others want.
2. Ignoring issues and crossing fingers that they will resolve themselves. Not talking means not dealing with things and past behaviors are usually a predictor of future behaviours. Wishing and hoping isn't the same as resolving.
3. Accepting abusive behaviors. We teach people how to treat us. If you have been abused and you accept a hurried insincere apology you will likely become caught in a cycle of abuse followed by apology followed by abuse.
4. Time served. Just because you have been in relationship with someone for a period of time doesn't mean that you are healthy, safe or secure.
5. Keeping secrets. The underlying foundation of trouble is built with dishonesty and hidden actions. If you need to keep something secret that means that deep down you already know that you are up to "no good".
6. Blaming others rather than facing your own failings. Most people do not want to look in a mirror that shows their own flaws. Instead they point the finger and distract the conversation by focusing on another person.
7. Demanding information about private matters. When adult children want to know details about the will of their aging parents, they can present as entitled and inappropriate. An attitude of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too" can destroy relationships!
8. Vengeance for past hurts or failures. Hurting others is not a good response for those who have been hurt. Focus on healing instead of on trying to get even.
9. Enabling. There is a show on television that shows individuals who weigh over 600 pounds. Those who purchase the food for the one who becomes immobile or bed-ridden end up having to care for the obese person. When you enable someone, both of you pay a price for this.
10. Playing games with emotions. Sweet talk, false promises and cheating can be very hurtful. Stop it!

When it comes to being a Valentine it is important not just to think about the other person. Instead examine when and how you show your love. Are your words and actions healthy or are you in an acting role that considers only your own selfish needs and wants?